just remember, someone outthere, wants you in their life.

Posts tagged “Dillon


? doubts and questions?

We started off as strangers
then soon became friends
I told you I loved you.
though you didn’t feel the same
soon after I said it, it started as a game
but soon became the truth
but I don’t know what made me love you

you’re the first one I think of when I wake up
and last one I think of before I go to sleep
I love you so much I wish you never have to leave

EVERYTHING, our late night talks, dumb jokes
awkward moments and all the laughter
just makes me fall in love with you more….
you give me butterflies when you say the sweetest things.
but when you act like the one I didn’t fall in love with…
it makes me wonder if we were really meant to be



Things I havent told you. (i have either been dishonest or lied by omission. I want to set stuff right.)

This list is far too long. There are several things I haven’t told you. There are several things I should have told you but didn’t. There are things I was ashamed of admitting to others, until recently. So spare me the judgments, for I have already judged myself. And I finally have the courage to admit it to the public, so that I wont be ashamed anymore.
here’s my list.

  1. I have had my first kiss. This was after I told you I never kissed anyone though. So I didn’t lie to you, I just didn’t tell you.
  2. My first kiss was Robert. That guy I saw for a week, when I thought I was over Dillon. He kissed me (and he wasn’t a very good kisser)
  3. later that week, I lost my virginity. Again, to Robert. I don’t want to hear how I was too young. I have heard. From everyone I told (not very many)
  4. it didn’t mean anything. at all. and that was the biggest mistake of my life.
  5. I am having feelings (strong feelings) for trey, but I am not completely over Dillon.


okay, maybe it wasn’t a super-long list. but the lists contents, make up for several unfilled pages.

I am sorry for not being fully honest with you. I regret.



This is because I found a new crush that I ACTUALLY have a chance with!!!!!! And he is my friend!!!! And he is awesome!!! I am so happy. I am in a great mood today and I just want to hug strangers and hobos!!!!!

I am bouncing off walls and that is because of four reasons: COFFEE, SUGAR (CANDY), MY CRUSH, and MY GOOD NIGHTS SLEEP!

Omg I am so happy I am so happy I am so happy. I just want to give people a hug so they can fell my happiness. I want to break myself to pieces so that I can share my happiness with everyone!!

I am feeling like I can fly!! **jumps off roof** okay, so I can’t fly, but I am so happy, I am finally over the person who caused the most shit in my life. I like someone else that may or may not like me back. But he is my friend and I hang out with him and I can tickle him and I can poke him and tease him and he is so fine with it!!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaah I want to scream!!!

His name is Trey~~~!!!!~~~


i was gangsta before it was cool :)



loooonnnnnnnggg night…

lots of drama has been happening in my family the past few days. but one thing made it better. I got on Facebook for, like, 2 minutes, while my dad was away. (I was teaching him how to use the computer). he answered his phone and went in his room, so I quick logged into Facebook. remember that message I sent to Dillon that I quickly regretted? well, I finally saw his response.

*** my message

his response(s) ***


do you mean you think I like you or you like me? 🙂
well, I don’t know how you interpret that, but that smiley face just made my week. I replyed:

well, I kinda like you… sorry to embarrass you…

I haven’t seen his response yet.

in other news… I had a robot baby I had to do for a home EC project. that woke me up 11 times last night, so I only got 2 hours of sleep… so yea, I am pretty tired.

never been kissed

remember that one time, about forty posts ago, I said I was going to post a secret at the end of each of my posts so my readers and followers can get to know me better? well, I stopped after, like, two posts, but I thought I would bring it up again for this post…here’s a doozy, fellas. I’ve never been kissed. so, yes, I am still a virgin. I am one of the few handfuls of teens that think it makes you a whore when you lose your virginity before age 16.  just for the record, i am 15.

it sucks. but then again, I have rejected those who have tried to kiss me. mainly because either they were messing with me, they were ass holes, or i just didn’t like them that way… most were the latter. I think with this new information, you will see my posts about Dillon a little differently.

in other news…

i got an email from Dillon. at least i think it was from him. it said it was. but who knows. it could be someone messing with me. but i think it was him. it said he thought i was weird and that he thinks we should keep our distance or something like that.

don’t know what to feel right now.

regression and regrets

to regress: the act of going back to a previous place or state; return or reversion

to regret: a sense of loss, disappointment, dissatisfaction, etc.;a feeling of sorrow or remorse for a fault, act, loss, disappointment, etc.


I wish Dillon and i had never met. i wish we never started talking on Facebook this summer. Then i would have no reason to cry myself to sleep at night. i wouldn’t have any reason to lie in bed and wonder what i could have changed, what i could have done to not make him hate me now. I still don’t know if that message Monday was worth it or not. i told him i liked him…but it ruined whatever kind of friendship we had. i destroyed everything i was building up on. maybe i should forget about him. oh, I’ve tried. but doing that is like trying to breathe under water….

is it worth the pain?